Am I the only one or do others who have a parent with dementia ever wonder, “What if this happens to me”?
I admit it. I do wonder if I will end up dementia. What will happen to me? Will anyone want to take care of me? Will I do or say some of the hurtful mean things that my dad does & says? Will I even be aware of it if I end up with dementia?
My younger kids have asked me if I will be like Papaw when I get older. They have asked if I will do things or say stuff like he does. How can you answer that? The best I can do is I say that I don’t know. I told them that if I do, I hope they remember that I love them & if I say mean things it’s not me; it would be the disease.
I make jokes about it at times. I tell my family to do or tell me this or that if I ever develop dementia. It’s just my way of dealing with these thoughts that race through my head.
Of course some family members try to reassure me that they would take care of me. But, I know how difficult it is to go through this. I know how hard it is to remember that things being said are from the disease & to not take it personal. I can’t help it, I do look at different people & think there is no way they would stick around if I became this way. I think it would just be too much.
I know there are enough real things to worry about that I should not waste time worrying about what-ifs. But, some times, it’s hard to keep my mind from wondering.