You know those moments where you forget someone’s name, a birthday, what you came into a room to do, or some other thing? Everyone has it happen at some time. It can be embarrassing. Usually, we will end up remembering; even if it’s late. Though embarrassing, it happens. We know it’s just a random thing.
It’s different with the effects of dementia. I’ve noticed my dad has developed and honed the skill of the great cover up. I see him hiding behind that cover up more and more.
What’s the great cover up? It’s those reasons he always has for being confused or not knowing something. Yes, I know people who do not have dementia do this at times. But when it’s done on a daily basis and numerous times a day, it’s different. It becomes living and hiding behind the great cover up. I believe it happens because the person is confused by what is happening and doesn’t know what else to do.
Just a couple of examples I see include:
Ask my dad the year. He may get it correct at times. But if he gets it wrong, he laughs and says things like, “Oh yeah. I don’t keep track of things like that since I don’t work anymore.” But, look at him. He is really confused and not sure how it can be the year you are telling him.
Today was another example. He was admitted to the hospital yesterday due to chest pains. I called him this morning to see how he was feeling. I asked if he was feeling better. He was quiet for a moment, then stammered around and told me he was feeling better. Then, he said, “Where am I?” I told him that he is in the hospital. I also told him the name of the hospital he is in. Keep in mind, he has grownup here and has been in this same hospital many times. After being quiet for a moment, he gave a half laugh and said, “Oh. Well they sure have done some work and made changes here. It looks different.” Now, while it is true that hospital has done some remodeling, the room he is in looks exactly the same as he has known the rooms to look for a long time. The truth? In that moment, he really had no idea where he was; not because of remodeling but due to the dementia. He understood that he should know where he was, but to admit that he didn’t, would be admitting there is something wrong.
These cover ups happen all of the time. He actually is reasonably good at it; so good that many people fall for it and don’t realize what is really going on. I know, sadly, as the dementia progresses he will likely also lose this ability.
For now, he can at least use the cover up to get by.